If anyone has kept their tally, we’re currently on Katie Brown Quarter Life Crisis number 7,000.
Now while this blog started as a place to talk through the trials and tribulations of overcoming an eating disorder, as I progressed through recovery it very much became a place to vent the general trials and tribulations of life. From break-ups and running, to work and house moves, I apparently seem to find solace in a blank page of the world wide web that becomes a somewhat more inviting place when you want to throw some emotions elsewhere that isn’t the whirring everyday spin of your own mind.
That said, calling this part of my life a quarter life crisis would be considered an insult to the time of my life where that crisis really did hit. While everyone will dramatize their own situations, I know for me that no additional emotional hurdle in life will ever come close to the efforts of overcoming an eating disorder and anything in comparison is just a small hop that life throws in your path, as it attempts to keep things fresh, challenging and actually? Better for you in the long term.
Reflecting on the past few months, time seems to have sat still in a bubble of unbelievable reality. People are undergoing stresses that they probably couldn’t have found solutions to so easily in a book – coping with a break-up? Sorry, can I buy a book that tells you how to cope with a pandemic?
I’ve laughed at stupid dog videos that have kept people entertained on Tik Tok and I’ve also cried when I couldn’t finish a run. I’ve stressed at finding myself out of the house for longer than an hour when it wasn’t really allowed, yet I’ve also found happiness wheeling around on a bike for 3+ hours.
We’ve all experienced emotion in abundance. Emotion that we haven’t felt before, emotion that we may not ever feel again, but it’s safe to say that emotions are running high and while you may be asymptomatic to a virus, you’d be lucky to have not fallen short of a stream of emotional symptoms.
I for one, don’t believe anyone is quite themselves. For many, it has been an opportunity to find out more about themselves, both positive and negative, for others, it has been a time of sheer claustrophobia as they realise that all they’ve ever wanted to do in life is go out, get shit faced on a Friday, Saturday, Tuesday and Monday every week and live a life of Reilly 24/7. And fair dos. I don’t seize to claim I don’t enjoy such a life from time-to-time and I know for sure I am not a person that copes well within the same four walls and I actually do require stimulation at every turn, but a slower pace of life that doesn’t require a consistent pressure of “living your best life” is something I’ve certainly realised I am not cut-out for.
Having more time on your hands is a privilege and for me personally, the extra time has set about a positive stream of new habits. While there are a wealth of things that have been missed, I don’t see many of these new habits falling by the wayside when we return to our new normal.
However, right now, I wish that time would start to speed up as I know only too well the value of time as a healer – the solution to many of life’s problems. Except maybe water, which comes in as a strong second, apparently.
Everything in life happens for a reason and while I struggle to even find a second where I’m not thinking about a relationship that has broken before my very eyes, I’ve been in a far worse relationship before and come out the other end even stronger. Anorexia doesn’t let you move on, but people do. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Take the hops in your stride and interpret this as life’s way of carving a better path for you.
Spiritual or what.