From the moment I decided to leave the Brownie Guides at the age of 9, where pursuing the ambition of becoming England’s next best netballer took precedence on a Thursday evening, I knew then that I was just made for a life of serious f*** the system rule breaking. A trait that remains ever so true to this day as it did all those years ago when I impatiently decide that I’m not going to wait for the pedestrian countdown to reach zero, so instead give a bare bum farewell to the cars still waiting at the traffic lights and cycle on my merry way, all for that little dose of adrenaline. I clearly just can’t be tamed.
When progressing through school, you’re reminded at that ripe, all-knowing age of 12, that you should probably start thinking about your career, in order to chose your GCSEs to then chose your A-levels to then chose your degree. Something I seemed to have surpassed and ignored when I thought it a great idea to keep PE throughout my time in education. A subject so far that has failed me at every corner and has just remained a somewhat embarrassing addition to my string of qualifications on my CV. But I liked to run around so PE just seemed like the obvious way to go – employers love it, I’m sure.
So while continuing to filter out your options, where for me, subjects like history and all things art very quickly found themselves at the top of such list, you’re slowly beginning to figure what it is that you really want to do. But hopefully for most’s sakes, you realised early enough and not halfway through a maths degree that actually you wanted to write for a living.
University has a hugely strong emphasis at school and is of course a route that is encouraged to almost every pupil. So much so, that each and everyday, I continue to feel very much like a failure, an uneducated moron, and unintentionally judged because I didn’t manage to complete my university degree. Though I loved my course and learning about the rate at which water empties from a sink given the pressure that water is flowing in at, using some complex calculus (yes really, it’s fascinating), I hardly think it’s expected that I need wear a sign on my head to explain why I am really just a university drop out.
At least once a day, I will blame anorexia for ruining my academic life, because it meant I had to leave after just a 15 month duration into my degree and every time I think this, i envy every single person that has walked away with a degree in their life and feel like a complete invalid that I have not earned such an achievement. Yes, yes, hats off to you and all that.
I feel like a university degree holds so much judgement on a person and I fear so often that it holds me back and gives off an indirect impression about the type of person I am; that I’m not intelligent enough, I’m not motivated enough and not considered particularly valuable and that I’m actually just this flyaway rebel that just wanted to f*** the system a bit. Leaving the Brownie Guides was probably as far as that trait was going to go with me really, let’s face it…*insert geek emoji here* *insert angel emoji here*
But at the age of 23, with house pressures, job pressures, savings pressures and just general life expectations, time really feels like it has run out for me to complete a degree.
I don’t exactly know the general direction of this post except it probably coming across as some pitiful diatribe of life for all the Pink Lady Frenchie’s out there. But perhaps it could be something to consider about how you’ve ever thought differently of people with degrees compared to those without.
Brb, signing my beauty college application forms.