I can explicitly deduce the early stages of when the make-belief excuses and general waffle started to present themselves, and looking back I, one; never really understood why I wasn’t telling the entire truth anyway and two; how did anyone even buy a lot of it?! (Unless they really did see right through me from the very beginning.)
I became this vegetarian activist overnight, convincing not only myself, but everyone around me who questioned it, that one YouTube video posted on a social networking site, affected me so badly, that I was now too reformed to eat animal meat, though only weeks prior, I was merrily enjoying a post Reading Half Marathon Nando’s quarter chicken with my family.
Of course, without spilling more worms from the can than I need to, there are in fact many attitudes in the way that some products from animals are achieved that do affect me, and that I do disagree with, but for the sake of this matter, that wasn’t my true motivation for leading a meat-free diet.
In today’s society, and with veganism certainly on a much higher rise, this fictitious choice in diet in the grand scheme of things, was relatively easy to implement and pull-off; coupled with being a student at the time, who could even afford meat anyway?! It was more the meticulous, compulsive routine and obsessive control that I quickly found myself needing to forcibly exert on a day to day basis that became more difficult to hide and be avoided from question. The precise times of day when food and drink could be consumed, that if wasn’t followed, left me full of unnecessary apprehension (I say food and drink, but this initially only comprised bananas, apples and milky, sugary coffees); the regimented start and finish times of each daily swim and gym session; even the scrupulous order in which the granola and jam as well as the exact preparation of the banana, had to be added to my porridge, in the same bowl, with the same teaspoon for dinner each evening (yes, a small spoon seemed to help prolong the eating process, making me feel like I was eating more and feeling full-up.)
Before I could even pause to think about what was happening, I was already far too engulfed in this solitary routine that I was in complete control of and with the shedding pounds being noted and commented on, giving me that ever normal euphoria any person experiences from a positive comment in weight change, soon became my only notion, incentive and addiction. At these early stages, exactly what foods I was eating didn’t excessively phase me, because I was still able to concede that I was eating what would be considered a very decreased amount and knew that I could always compensate with exercise the following day (in other words, there was an inner voice of rationality still manifest in my head.) However, I was still very aware when something in my day deviated from my habitual routine, creating a whole whirl of never-before experienced anxiety.